Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Randomize
