i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
