Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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