you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
