Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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