All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Farmville is her only friend.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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