I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
