You can't motorboat a personality
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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