Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
