honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
