am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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