spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
