I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
it glows. i had to have it.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
