did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
