and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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