Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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