is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
