At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
