I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
