Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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