True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
