WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
