so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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