I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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