Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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