I don't usually arrange sex via text message
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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