Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
