Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Randomize
