And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
