fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
from now on my penis is your penis
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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