when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
