You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Randomize
