Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
