My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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