Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
