i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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