the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
The beer is more important than you right now.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
