ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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