I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
