Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
