____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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