ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Rumble strips road head = magical
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
