C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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