I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
