it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
