I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
