Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
