So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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