In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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