were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
