i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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