I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
