he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize