Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Dear god my vagina.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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