Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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