We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
no, he came in my armpit
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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