Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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