I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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