Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
