There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
