I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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