Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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