Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
