Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
